Transitions Ahead

My previous post was written over a week ago and I did not publish it.  I wish I had the date on it because it would help frame what I am about to report more clearly.

My mother's caregiver has provided consistency, but she has become increasingly frustrated with Mom.  For whatever reason, Mom is refusing to do as she asks more often.  Pam and I had experienced it as well, but the frequency of her refusing Marilyn's help has increased.  She still does as I ask, so I have stepped in more often to care for her.  My only answer to Marilyn was that she had an appointment with a new Family Practitioner and I would discuss the changes we were seeing with her.

That day arrived, and Wednesday I took Mom in to meet Dr. Leitiskow - and just in a nick of time.  The day before, Mom had eaten breakfast and then gone back to bed; she had refused to take her medication, refused to get dressed, refused to let herself be cleaned.  Gary was at the dentist with the car, so my daughter gave me a ride home.  We walked in to find Mom standing facing the door, arms akimbo with a pose of "Well, where have you been?"  She was in good spirits.  I cleaned her, fed her, and then went upstairs to continue working, but I was rattled.

I wanted to hear it straight, but I don't think I was prepared to hear it as clearly and fully as it was delivered.  But Dr. Leitskow did not hold anything back; she wanted to be sure I was thinking through the situation clearly and looking into what was best for my mother 24-7.  Her refusal to cooperate was becoming a more serious issue.

She told me it did not matter if Mom suffered from vascular dementia or Alzheimer's disease.  The progression was very similar.  There would be a day when my mother would not recognize me.  She also told me that I needed to put in paper work for Denali Center, and tell the State of Alaska that I would be willing to place Mom in any available space.  If the space opened up in North Pole, well and good, but I could not wait for too many more opportunities to pass me by.

That lit a fire under me.  I drove over and got the paper work for Denali Center; I called Teri at Lilley Lodge who said she would call me back later or I should call her the next day.  There was an opening in her home now.  Then I called the State of Alaska.  There was a part of me that always thought about how I'd not taken the opportunity to move Mom to Anchorage when I was given a chance at it a couple of years ago.  I knew I wouldn't see her, but I felt it was when she would have made the adjustment most easily and it would become home.    Now I was opening myself to the possibility of her living in Sitka, Juneau or Ketchikan because it was safer for her and she would not be moved again.

Then an unexpected turn of events once again presented me with the opportunity for Mom to move to Anchorage Pioneer Home.  I really have no idea how it happened or why, but the state intake coordinator told me to call Anchorage immediately and to tell her Mom's application date was 11/4/2010.  I did.  The next thing I knew, I was going through a preliminary interview for a spot in Level 3 at the Anchorage Pioneer Home.  Once the preliminary interview was complete, I was cleared to interview with the admitting nurse.

I did that this morning and then waited for them to call me with the results of their evaluation.  In a short time I was called back with an offer for Mom to move in.  I accepted.  Right now we are set to move her at the end of this month - in 19 days.

I did talk to Teri to let her know I simply went with it.  I feel good about her going to the Pioneer Home.  In talking with my husband this morning, before the admitting nurse interview, his perspective was very clear.  He said there was little chance she would last long at Lilley Lodge.  It wasn't the home itself, but her state of continuing decline that made him think she would do better in a facility where they were prepared to have her live with them until she passes.  This is what I need to know.  I need to know that she is moving to her final home and not a stop along the way.