Grandma Gets a Visit

Teresa stopped in Anchorage on her way back from a USDA trip down to Portland, OR.  She picked her up around 3 PM, had the opportunity to see her living area, meet the cat who befriends all those who love cats, and then took her to coffee at New Sagaya just a few blocks down.

She said Mom didn't recognize her at first until she got closer.  Then she was so, so happy to see her. She commented on how protective Jonni, Mom's over-protective roommate, is and how things she said made no sense at all.  I experienced that with Jonni at first as well, but she spoke very clearly the last time I visited, so I guess it comes and goes.  The over-protective, where-are-you-taking-her and you-can't-do-that persona does not come and go, however!

Teresa said Mom wore the beads she gave her when she left Fairbanks to move.  Teresa asked if she looked at the mountains from her bedroom window and Mom said she did and that she watched the planes/plains (?).  I wondered if she was remembering when she first moved into the assisted living home in Boulder, before she was well enough to move to her own apartment after Poppy died.  Her little room faced the "plains" and from there she could see the "planes" take off and land at DIA.  But then, she made a big deal about watching planes here in Fairbanks every day, so maybe she really does notice any plane that flies in and out of Lake Hood, ANC, or Merrill Field.  

Teresa asked if she liked living there and she told her that she did.  I am surprised at that because she always complained to us about Fairbanks Resource Agency (FRA).  I wonder if it was because she was more tired, having to go out every day and for such a long period of time.  It was true that she complained less about FRA when she didn't have to rush in the morning, when Marilyn started taking care of her and when Marilyn picked her up sooner in the afternoon.

Winter seems like such a long time ago.  it seems so long ago that she lived here now, but it's only been six weeks.  I guess the change in sunlight and temperature here in the Interior accentuate the time difference or maybe my emotions have traveled so far in that intervening time.

I also spoke briefly with one of the nurses at Anchorage Pioneer Home today when I called about some aspects of Mom's care.  She told me Mom was cute.  She said she would walk and walk and walk (with her walker).  Then she'd sit for a while and then they'd find her up walking again.  She seems to really like having all the space to move around in and the support of the walker.

Things Going Better Than I Hoped

When I call Pioneer Home in Anchorage, it appears that things are going well for Mom.  Each time they tell me that she is sweet, easy to care for, and alert.  They have her using a walker so when her dementia advances beyond a certain point (where she can't learn anything new), she will already be used to using it.  They told me it will give her more freedom as things progress and she will not need to go to a wheel chair as quickly.

She has a lovely room now, one that looks out toward Delaney Park and every time I call, she sounds upbeat and chipper.  She did have an incident when her oxygen saturation in her blood dropped to 82.  She is prescribed to receive oxygen any time it drops below 88.  She is going in next week for Pulmonary Function Tests, which test the tidal volume, vital capacity, inspiratory capacity, expiratory reserve.  She has failed these tests in the past, necessitating oxygen supplementation 24 x 7.  I am very interested to see what comes of her tests.

They consider her frail, but she eats well and sleeps well.  They say she tires after walking all morning, but she definitely uses the walker to its maximum and prefers to walk over sitting for long periods.  Her care coordinator now has what she needs to set her up for Hearts and Hands, a program she can attend two to three times a week to get outside the building and also participate in a broader range of activities than what are offered at her home.

I don't know when I can see her again.  Since Gary canceled his surgery, plans to go in April are gone.  It is likely we will be through Anchorage in May when Dad is here, at least.

Gradually Sorting Through Mom's things

Although it was hard for me to start going through Mom's things now that she no longer lives downstairs, Today was fun, actually.  

I cleaned out three drawers by her bed.  In the first drawer I found many greeting cards.  Mom would get the pleas for donations in the mail and apparently many of the pleas provided greeting cards.  And just as apparently, the greeting cards were all identical when they sent them out.  So I was able to find envelopes for many sympathy cards, many get well cards, a few anniversary cards and birthday cards (I think she was able to use those up) and one congratulations on your baby card.  The sympathy cards were the ones that were not in great demand apparently.  She either donated a lot through a few years or accumulated the same ones over several years.   It's kind of funny if you think about it.  A sympathy card is not something I would think to keep on hand, let alone several of them.

Then I found a variety of Christmas cards and only a few of them had matching envelopes and finally I found several matching envelopes that did not fit any of the cards.  I sorted them and decided to donate all but the thank you cards; I am just about the worst person I know for sending any type of card, but I figure it will give me an incentive to at least send a thank you note.

I found a few of the blank note cards the kids and I gave her for gifts when she was still able to write letters.  Then I came across a manilla envelope.   On the outside of it was written, "Things I want to keep."  Inside it were more cards and envelopes (same type) and one startling find.  There were several photos of her cousin Ed Coburn.  She wrote to him all through WWII and they remained in contact through their lives.  When he could no longer write, his wife did it for him.  She sent Mom a photo of Ed in his casket!  No joke .. on the back was the comment that Ed made her promise several times she'd bury him in overalls, not a suit.  Indeed, he was in overalls.  She also included a very nice photo of him, his son and grandson while living and a few more informal ones.  I kept two of those.  I did not keep the photo of him in his burial casket!  I never knew Ed and didn't even know Mom wrote to him regularly until she moved downstairs, but he meant a lot to her and for some reason I felt very sentimental about the longevity of their relationship and I don't want to lose it.  

Then, needless to say, there were many photos of family. I took kept those of people I remembered or who were identified on the back.  I also found something very special.  There was a very small newspaper clipping about my Uncle Jerry.

" Jerry R. Power, radioman first class in the Unites States Navy and a son of Joseph B. Power of Fresno, is serving aboard the non-magnetic ocean - going minesweeper USS Reaper, which has reported to the US Seventh Fleet in the the Western Pacific."

I am keeping it, of course.  We all were so proud of him and his career, but I don't know if this was a notice in the San Diego papers or one that Grandma clipped from Fresno.  Grandma was much better at keeping all of these things and I have her photo albums (one of the things I made sure stayed put).

Before Mom moved, I had begun to move things of importance out of Mom's apartment as her dementia progressed because things were disappearing.  I'd given her a very lovely cross from New Mexico, for example, that she wore for a long time and then one day it disappeared.  I gave her a second one and that disappeared also.  That reminds me of something I noticed about Mom and keeping objects of worth .. she just never really managed to do that.

My Mom has lost or had stolen most everything of value that she has ever had.  

Mom's story about losing objects is odd.  She had a trunk full of her most special items - the cuckoo clock that Uncle Ray sent from Germany, the cocoa set he sent from the same place, her crystal from their wedding .. things like that.  She shipped it from San Diego to San Dimas; Uncle Bob was working for Santa Fe at that time and it was sitting on the Santa Fe loading dock when it disappeared.  At some point, she gave her cedar chest, again from her marriage, to Grandma for safe keeping.  In it were things people had given her like her linen and one very special crocheted table cloth.  As log as Grandma was alive, he remained secure.  After Grandma died, instead of shipping it home, she decided that was too expensive and left it in the apartment with instructions for Uncle Ray to hold on to it for her.  She never saw it again.  It's one of those things, I guess that would have come to me eventually, and then to my daughter - but there it is.

At the same time, she did bring home some of Grandma's things, among them several really wonderful pieces of jewelry.  I don't think they were expensive - Grandma's didn't necessary seek out expensive things, but her choices for jewelry were always distinct, uncommon, and conveyed an eye for craftsmanship.  I always loved the things she had because they were good to hold and look at.  I don't wear much jewelry, so it was always an appreciation of her unusual, but very stylish taste.  When Poppy died, and Mom was really not herself, I took those things to my house and kept them for some time.  Then she settled out and I returned them to her so she could enjoy them.  When we moved her from Boulder to her apartment in Evergreen, she still had them.

When she moved here, many things did not arrive.  She had given a key to her neighbor, because they were "friends" and they looked out after each other.  After Mom packed up her things, they remained in the apartment for nearly a month while we prepared moving all of our things from Colorado here.  When we unpacked, she did not have the bed I'd bought her right after Poppy died, but some truly horrible mismatched box springs and mattress.  She no longer had her bedspread, which wasn't an antique, but a colorful patchwork design with great yellows and she liked it.  And many pieces of her jewelry and Grandma's jewelry were missing.  There were other things, but these are the items she grieved after.

Then what she had here began to disappear, which is when I secreted items away for safe keeping.  What I do still have a lot of is clothes .. and I gave bags and bags of them away when I realized she'd kept all of the larger sizes she wore right after she quit smoking, but I still have a full closet of things I didn't take to Anchorage.

It's interesting that I don't miss having any of the items she has lost along the way.  The time we spent together over the last several years is more important to me.  I got a call today from Anchorage Pioneer Home about medical appointments we have coming up next week and again they told me how she was really one of their nicest residents and they truly liked having her there.  That means so much to me to hear - that she is appreciated for the wonderful lady she is.