I cleaned out three drawers by her bed. In the first drawer I found many greeting cards. Mom would get the pleas for donations in the mail and apparently many of the pleas provided greeting cards. And just as apparently, the greeting cards were all identical when they sent them out. So I was able to find envelopes for many sympathy cards, many get well cards, a few anniversary cards and birthday cards (I think she was able to use those up) and one congratulations on your baby card. The sympathy cards were the ones that were not in great demand apparently. She either donated a lot through a few years or accumulated the same ones over several years. It's kind of funny if you think about it. A sympathy card is not something I would think to keep on hand, let alone several of them.
Then I found a variety of Christmas cards and only a few of them had matching envelopes and finally I found several matching envelopes that did not fit any of the cards. I sorted them and decided to donate all but the thank you cards; I am just about the worst person I know for sending any type of card, but I figure it will give me an incentive to at least send a thank you note.
I found a few of the blank note cards the kids and I gave her for gifts when she was still able to write letters. Then I came across a manilla envelope. On the outside of it was written, "Things I want to keep." Inside it were more cards and envelopes (same type) and one startling find. There were several photos of her cousin Ed Coburn. She wrote to him all through WWII and they remained in contact through their lives. When he could no longer write, his wife did it for him. She sent Mom a photo of Ed in his casket! No joke .. on the back was the comment that Ed made her promise several times she'd bury him in overalls, not a suit. Indeed, he was in overalls. She also included a very nice photo of him, his son and grandson while living and a few more informal ones. I kept two of those. I did not keep the photo of him in his burial casket! I never knew Ed and didn't even know Mom wrote to him regularly until she moved downstairs, but he meant a lot to her and for some reason I felt very sentimental about the longevity of their relationship and I don't want to lose it.
Then, needless to say, there were many photos of family. I took kept those of people I remembered or who were identified on the back. I also found something very special. There was a very small newspaper clipping about my Uncle Jerry.
" Jerry R. Power, radioman first class in the Unites States Navy and a son of Joseph B. Power of Fresno, is serving aboard the non-magnetic ocean - going minesweeper USS Reaper, which has reported to the US Seventh Fleet in the the Western Pacific."
I am keeping it, of course. We all were so proud of him and his career, but I don't know if this was a notice in the San Diego papers or one that Grandma clipped from Fresno. Grandma was much better at keeping all of these things and I have her photo albums (one of the things I made sure stayed put).
Before Mom moved, I had begun to move things of importance out of Mom's apartment as her dementia progressed because things were disappearing. I'd given her a very lovely cross from New Mexico, for example, that she wore for a long time and then one day it disappeared. I gave her a second one and that disappeared also. That reminds me of something I noticed about Mom and keeping objects of worth .. she just never really managed to do that.
My Mom has lost or had stolen most everything of value that she has ever had.
Mom's story about losing objects is odd. She had a trunk full of her most special items - the cuckoo clock that Uncle Ray sent from Germany, the cocoa set he sent from the same place, her crystal from their wedding .. things like that. She shipped it from San Diego to San Dimas; Uncle Bob was working for Santa Fe at that time and it was sitting on the Santa Fe loading dock when it disappeared. At some point, she gave her cedar chest, again from her marriage, to Grandma for safe keeping. In it were things people had given her like her linen and one very special crocheted table cloth. As log as Grandma was alive, he remained secure. After Grandma died, instead of shipping it home, she decided that was too expensive and left it in the apartment with instructions for Uncle Ray to hold on to it for her. She never saw it again. It's one of those things, I guess that would have come to me eventually, and then to my daughter - but there it is.
At the same time, she did bring home some of Grandma's things, among them several really wonderful pieces of jewelry. I don't think they were expensive - Grandma's didn't necessary seek out expensive things, but her choices for jewelry were always distinct, uncommon, and conveyed an eye for craftsmanship. I always loved the things she had because they were good to hold and look at. I don't wear much jewelry, so it was always an appreciation of her unusual, but very stylish taste. When Poppy died, and Mom was really not herself, I took those things to my house and kept them for some time. Then she settled out and I returned them to her so she could enjoy them. When we moved her from Boulder to her apartment in Evergreen, she still had them.
When she moved here, many things did not arrive. She had given a key to her neighbor, because they were "friends" and they looked out after each other. After Mom packed up her things, they remained in the apartment for nearly a month while we prepared moving all of our things from Colorado here. When we unpacked, she did not have the bed I'd bought her right after Poppy died, but some truly horrible mismatched box springs and mattress. She no longer had her bedspread, which wasn't an antique, but a colorful patchwork design with great yellows and she liked it. And many pieces of her jewelry and Grandma's jewelry were missing. There were other things, but these are the items she grieved after.
Then what she had here began to disappear, which is when I secreted items away for safe keeping. What I do still have a lot of is clothes .. and I gave bags and bags of them away when I realized she'd kept all of the larger sizes she wore right after she quit smoking, but I still have a full closet of things I didn't take to Anchorage.
It's interesting that I don't miss having any of the items she has lost along the way. The time we spent together over the last several years is more important to me. I got a call today from Anchorage Pioneer Home about medical appointments we have coming up next week and again they told me how she was really one of their nicest residents and they truly liked having her there. That means so much to me to hear - that she is appreciated for the wonderful lady she is.
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