Then and Now

When my Mom first started at FRA in 2008, she could still manage most of her daily living needs on her own.  But it was becoming less easy.  Whereas before she could start, stop, and adjust her portable oxygen machine (too many years of smoking), occasionally she would forget. Since she would forget, she would become obsessed with the regulator and constantly look at it to make sure it was on and working.  We locked it so she could not stop or affect the regulator.  She no longer pays any attention to it.

At that time she was still reading, although she told me at one point it didn't matter if she had already read a book because it was like reading it new for the first time.  Then she stopped actually reading and began carrying books around with her.  She still carries books back and forth between FRA and home.  Sometimes she reads out loud to those at the Day Care Center and that works since no one there (except the wonderful staff) care that she stops and starts most anywhere.  But she does not read them at home at all.

Back in 2008 she still wrote letters to friends from Colorado and relatives.  She wrote to one cousin that she has been writing to since WWII.  She wrote to one friend from her building in Evergreen and two in Boulder.  Now she looks at the cards and letters and asks me who these people are.  I have tried to move the cards, but she finds others she has stashed away and tries to figure out why she has this message from a person she doesn't remember.  She no longer writes anyone.  But she keeps the cards close.

She used to be able to carry a conversation with people over the telephone and still dial out when she needed us.  She talked with her sister and her step-brother, her nieces and nephews.  She does not recognize any voice on the telephone but those of us she sees regularly and my aunt who calls her weekly.  One day the phone rang and she didn't answer.  She didn't remember what to do with it.  That night I found her carrying the portable phone around; it was even by her bed that night while she slept.

Back then she could still carry a good conversation.  She chatted with everyone at the facility and with family and was still entertaining.  Now I have to piece together her intent as she has lost a lot of the words for the image she has in her head and gets frustrated and stops.  I know her well enough to fill in, but it is not what she wants.

She hums/moans to herself when tired and repeats everything three, four, five times or more.  She has a bad cough that is not going away and it tires her.  Her actions and words have been worse due to the fatigue.  We haven't been able to find a new PCA as the previous one doesn't want the change in hours we need and I wonder if I will need to place her in assisted living simply because I can't stay home to care for her and we can't find anyone else in this town whose needs match ours.