Indelicate but Necessary

I hesitated to add this topic as it is not the type of thing I normally would broadcast for all and any to read, but since this is a log of my experience with my mother as she ages, it seems it is probably important to add - if for no other reason than it shows the importance of knowledgeable caregivers.

So, over the last month, before Mom became seriously ill with the UTI, she has not had diarrhea, but very loose stools.  How do I know this?  Well, she hasn't been flushing the toilet anymore, so when at home, I know by examination, but I also was informed by the caregivers at FRA.  They wanted to be sure I knew since milk allergy was an issue for awhile.

An aside:  FRA (Fairbanks Resource Agency) staff have not been giving her anything other than what I send once I said I would be responsible for her diet in order to eliminate milk products from her daily routine.  Since then, we have had no issue with messy pants from milk related diarrhea.  In fact, they wouldn't even give her the decaf coffee there.  I didn't know this.  I assumed (since it does not contain milk, right?) that they would still allow her that morning luxury.  Some time last month I got a call from Maria asking me if it was okay to give Mom coffee.  She'd been asking every day and finally took Maria aside to make the request.  It is funny and heart breaking both - but my mom can still make her request known and ultimately that cheered me!  Needless to say, she is now getting her morning coffee!

I asked if she had diarrhea or was it just loose.  Loose was the answer, so I said we'd not worry about it yet.  Then over the weekend I noticed she was sitting on the pot straining to have a BM.  She'd slept so much, she'd gotten diarrhea.  I wouldn't let her sit on the toilet long doing this because it can cause more harm than good and she was eliminating waste - just not as much as usual.  Then Monday, her afternoon caregiver mentioned she thought she was constipated based on similar observations.  I had sent juice to FRA to help get things flowing after the weekend, so I said I didn't want to give her a laxative until we had a chance to let it work through naturally.

The next day I get a call from Maria at FRA.  She wanted me to know that Mom had been in the bathroom many times saying she needed to go to the bathroom, but nothing was happening.  I told her I had been reluctant to give her a laxative until I was sure it was needed, but I had an excellent tea, a 4Life product, that would work.  She needed to be forewarned that it works very well, though.  She said fine.  So that evening, I asked Marilyn to give her the tea with plenty of sugar.  I noticed she'd had it all when I came down for my final check while she was in bed.  Later I gave her a stool softener since I wanted to be sure this was not painful, once she was able to eliminate (defecate, poop, shit - supply your own favorite word to describe this necessary part of good health).

The next morning I get a call from Maria telling me that she is in the bathroom all the time and it must really be working.  Then I get another call from Maria telling me it was a false alarm.  She'd been in the toilet room for long periods of time without a BM.  Unbeknownst to us, she had eliminated that morning - Mom's morning caregiver left a note - but in any case, she apparently still felt the urge.  I called later to see if there had been any success so I would know if I needed to give her more tea.  Maria was gone, but Sharon was available.

She went to consult the bathroom log!  Yep, a bathroom log is kept for all of the patients.  So that's how they know how she is doing in these vital areas!  It was like listening to a police blotter:

10:30 - 11:15 Urination. Straining, but no result
12:30 No result
1:15 Small two inch, hard
2:30 No result

I certainly had the full picture of my mother's bathroom activities during the day at FRA.  She managed to do this all on her own for a very long time.  They told me longer than many and I can see now why resisting to the last possible time in her life would be important.  Poor mom, but still, I am grateful because there can be no mistake about how her body functions are doing with regard to eliminating waste.

When we got home, Marilyn and Mom were already there.  I brought down some tea, but as I walked in I detected the odor of human waste.  I looked at Marilyn and she nodded her head.  "She already went," she said,  "and it was really a big one!"  It was after that I found that Mom had already defecated once, but clearly, a lot of waste had accumulated.  This morning called Maria and told her all was well, without ANY details, and let it go at that. 

I had had enough of details on that subject for awhile.