Nothing is Perfect

The problem is I keep trying the perfect situation for my Mom and it doesn't exist.

Hope Haven has good staff and good socialization, but limited ground floor space and requires a long walk to the common room.  The living  area in the apartment is not currently used and when Mom was not well, nor getting enough oxygen, this would have been a huge stumbling block for her.

Lilley Lodge has a nice feel to it, although very small.  Teri is very competent and the residents seem happy.  However, it requires sharing a room and is in North Pole - a long way for me to go on even a weekly basis and I won't see Mom as often as I'd like.

Let Us Care is a good set up with spacious rooms and all facing the dining area and common room.  It is close to campus so I could walk over to see Mom daily for a short while at least.  But from what I can tell, there is little social interaction among the residents.  They all eat and wake on their individual schedules instead of as a household.

Caring Bridges has good staffing and a lot of social interaction.  But it is crowded and Waiver recipients share a room.  Not having any privacy, they all end up flocking out into the main rooms.  I felt Mom would emotionally tire since she is a private person when home.

What I want is a home that has the layout and feel of Let Us Care with the socialization of Hope Haven and Lilley Lodge.  I want the staffing levels of Caring Bridges.  I want the care giving qualities of all four providers - so that is the consistent point between them.

What I want is my Mom to be herself instead of going into this headlong decline.  What I want is for her to stay home until she passes.  That is what I really want, but I am tiring.  I have a few hours of PCA and respite care for the weekend, but will not ask Marilyn to come those days as well.  Yet, the prospect of doing what we are doing for another year seems impossible to me.

This weekend, both days she had gotten up on her own and attempted to clean herself, but without success.  Both days I needed her to get into the shower in order to get clean.  Two days this week, I replaced sheets from her having sat on the bed before being cleaned.  She barely moved from her chair all day yesterday and I constantly had to keep the oxygen on her.

Who else would give her that kind of one-on-one care?  She needs far more than most of those I saw at the Assisted Living homes I visited.  This is my decision and I hate it.  I want the perfect situation for her and it doesn't exist.

In case Let Us Care doesn't work out, I should see if I can find someone to work those weekend hours - long enough to come in, get her up, clean and fed for breakfast.