Well, I set in motion a choice for Mom to move into assisted living, but since there is no certain date, I needed to think through how to manage until that time. It is still very hard for me to consider Mom not being here. I was out of town for two days and when I returned, Mom was grumpy when I first greeted. When I went down again, Marilyn was getting her into bed. She looked over at me smiling and raising her head to watch me. She had that motherly look she gives me sometimes - you know the kind that says she is happy to see me because I am her daughter.
I realize I am avoiding going down to see her as much as possible so I don't feel any worse than I do.
At the same time, I put in an ad for help on the weekends. If someone reliable comes in for mornings on the weekend, I will then be able to take care of her in the afternoon, but have my mornings free. This is becoming increasingly important to me for my mental health. Once I accepted that I was not able to work full time and handle Mom's care as well, my state of mind has been more at ease. That decision, at least, has not caused me any feeling of regret
I have had several responses to my ad. I need to contact all people who have responded tomorrow and interview the most likely. One candidate is a solid person, but not as experienced as others. I liked her, but think she may be happier in a research environment. I have had a few respond with CNA certification and some in school for the same. In any case, if I can find someone reliable on the weekends, this will help us until Mom can move.
She looks more frail and worn each time I see her.
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