What is Inevitable in All of This?

Last time I spoke about my mother's fragility and dependency on me - my ability to diagnose what is happening to her in lieu of her being able to tell us.  Today, I find I am focused on her current state of mind and body.

Each time she gets ill, for any reason, she loses considerable ground.  She may rally in some regards; for example, her mental state is more responsive and aware of me than it has been.  But her physical condition is markedly different.  Once well, she will have a bit more stamina until the next bout with illness, but her overall ability to care for herself is diminished.

She has been losing ground steadily in terms of being able to get up, get out of bed, lift her legs to dress herself, and so on.  She has trouble dropping her arms out of her sleeves and can't pull her tops off over her head.  If she feels well enough, she will cooperate with the dressing and undressing process, but now it is like dressing a one to two year old.  You tell them what part of his or her body to move to assist, but it is up to you to orchestrate that whole process.  Her PCA said she did not help in any way this morning and Pam needed to do every bit of the dressing.  Pam is a capable woman and managed, but I am thinking of a day when none of us can get her to move from bed.

Will it come to that?  What is inevitable?

I have asked our children to come to her apartment for a replay of Thanksgiving.  She can not climb stairs and there is no easy or, for that matter, practical way to get her up to my daughter's living area.  The outside steps could be icy and the inside stairs have no railings and it is narrow and steep.  So, we will have left overs here in her apartment.  She can at least enjoy having her child, son-in-law and grandchildren here.  We can pull out her little table to seat four of us and then set up the card table for two others.   They both agreed, which is a blessing, because while I suppose nothing is inevitable, I feel this is likely to be her last Thanksgiving at home.

I know it must be hard for children whose parents live in retirement facilities, assisted living homes, or nursing homes, but I am not sure it is as hard as it is for those of us who keep our parents close and at home.  We see them each day; our relationship with them is very strong and the emotion of losing them bit by bit can be overwhelming - and painful.

I do not understand life and death, growing and aging.  It is a vast mystery why this planet works as it does.